I realized this week that sometimes, I’m not OK with what I’m doing. Especially if whatever I’m doing doesn’t align with one of the items on my 2021 goal list.
As I proceed with one of these “unaligned” activity, a little cloud of guilt begins to take shape over my head. I start enjoying that activity less. My heart rate begins to rise. My focus drifts. Sometimes the guilt is enough to force me to stop and offer a showing of penance to the productivity gods by panic journaling or reading.
Why? Perhaps to remind them that I am certainly not the type of person who watches Netflix or plays Zelda. That I’m about productivity and progress 100% of the time. That I’m all business.
But the reality is that I am the type of person who watches Netflix and plays Zelda every once in a while. And that’s ok.
If these are things I genuinely enjoy doing, I should be ok with doing them.
And that’s what I’ve tried to put into practice this week; being ok with whatever it is I’m doing. Whether it aligns with my goals or not.
That included things like watching YouTube at lunch instead of reading my book and it did indeed include a couple hours of Zelda on this lazy Sunday.
And for the first time in a while, I was ok with it. I let the normal cloud of guilt pass right by.
It’s actually a lot like meditation in this way. Just as meditation is the practice of observing and accepting reality for what it is, so is this practice.
By letting these powerful negative emotions pass and conserving the energy I would have spent brooding on them, I can instead choose to spend that energy elsewhere in a more objective fashion.
Instead of being overwhelmed by negativity and jumping into my productivity penance, I could instead choose from a couple more enjoyable paths.
I could most certainly choose to spend it thoroughly enjoying the activity, fully accepting its unaligned nature.
Or I could choose to spend it evaluating, objectively, whether or not it’s a behavior I’d like to continue with. Accepting that, yes, like it or not I am currently the type of person who watches YouTube at lunch occasionally and that’s ok.
Whether I want to continue with it or not? This is a question best considered with a fully rational mind, instead of with one racked with guilt.
And this week I’ll continue to be ok with myself, no matter what, and see where it takes me.